torsdag 8 september 2011

Yes! and No!

Hi everyone!

Yes, finally I dared to ask people to sit for me as a model!  

I had a dream and I had a problem. The dream was to be able to ask someone who is not a member of my family to sit for me as a model.  

I wanted to draw people around me,  not sketching them in secret but asking them if they could sit for me. 

I really wanted it but didn’t dare to step out, there was a power in me which didn’t want me to leave the comfort zone.  I was afraid to fail, was afraid that the model would be disappointed with my drawing. 

I waited and waited for the freedom to pull me along, allowing me for what I was longing for.

This day of freedom never came. I waited and waited…

Now some weeks ago, I decided that if I want to do it I do it now and I don’t care what happens. 

I didn’t allow my feelings and thoughts to stop me but ask the first person to be my model.  The first portraits took me about 25minutes.  In the beginning I was asking if they would sit for a limited time. Then later I skipped that question as it too was born out of fear. I wanted to put the drawing first and not to worry about anything.  I had only one agenda and that was asking a person to sit for me and to finish his portrait, good or bad. 

What I learned is this:

It’s only our ego with its fears hindering us from the things we really want. How is it otherwise possible that I know what I want to do but don’t do it? 

It’s because an identity in me (the ego) wants to stop me doing just what I want.  When I ignore its negative babbling I was free and could step out into the freedom.  

Today I simply dare to ask anyone to sit for me.  The ego doesn’t give us freedom, we have to take it. That is if you want to do what you really want to do. 


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